Bye Christmas ; Hello New Year!!

Christmas 2010, were my first time of my life celebrating on it. Well, rather not to mention about the dissatisfaction. I kinda love that night i hold my baby's hand... feel so warm...A hope in this semester holiday, i wish my baby will be happy, enjoy her holiday and getting well soon. Wish my baby won't get tired so easily and give me a call every night before sleep , just like the couple months when we begin our relationship. With my baby's voice, i can sleep easily; With my baby's voice, it colors my day; With my baby's voice, i get back my appetite; Lastly, with my baby's voice, i am energized !!!

♥Ranking Num#1 on Christmas picture !!♥

Everyone has a Christmas wish. In my first Christmas in my life ever, i wish to have a car for me. This should be my next year wish. But, i will buy myself a car as a Christmas present on the Next year Christmas . Any asset belongs to myself will be easier for me to execute my own plan :)

The coming celebration will be the New Year for 2011 !! I don't know what to do since baby will celebrating New Year with her family, so i make a decision to go KL, alone. Actually, i got no idea where to go. I just want to see and feel the happiness on everyone's face. And maybe it is an excuse for me not to pass any celebration alone... Somehow when everyone is enjoying , i wish my baby is beside me...Just like the others....

♥Muack !! Are you kissing me or biting me ?♥

~End~

A Day Before Christmas Eve

A day before Christmas Eve, as usual, without baby beside me, i miss her so much. But. i found out i made a mistake again. Perhaps, the mistake + distance, baby won't give up on me. I kinda worry, i worry baby will feel boring of annoyed with the attitude of mine.. and end up with cold war between us.. i don't want the same consequence happen again. Hmm.. baby today moody in sms, i wonder what happen makes baby moody for the whole sms. I am not the one who makes baby moody right ? You can tell me if you want . I mean, anytime. This few days i keep thinking the happy moment between us. Quite happy when i think about it ^^

Today i went to Taiping Sentral choosing Christmas present, cyber cafe, and a few banks. Xuan Yi seem moody as well.. Gosh...i got no idea how to chill this big boy d..feel like walk off that time as i felt pressure on that moment.

Yesterday i got some cash from mom's friends. I know i should be happy. But..i felt pressure as well.. I am not a good student, my result is sucks, my attitude sucks, when i got the money on hand, feeling like i am cheating people's money.

When i wake up later, will be the day to meet up with baby, kinda happy and sad at the same time. Baby, when you see this blog, can you personally talk to me about my problem ? Just tell me how many marks you deduct from me, what you not satisfy, and what you need me to change. Please, i need to know. Maybe you told me before, but sorry, let me know one more time.. :)

~End~

Christmas In My Heart

Two more days to Christmas eve.. i wonder what will happen in my first Christmas celebration. I wish i will have a memorable one. On the other side, i am addicted to her song>> Sarah Connor- Christmas In My Heart. Well..is not exactly her song, in a more accurate way, i am addicted to her voice. Such a sexy voice xD....

[Verse 1]
Every time we say goodbye
There's something breaking deep inside
I tried to hide my feelings to keep myself controlled
But somehow I can't deny what's deep inside my soul

I've been always on the run
So many different places, having fun
But like a river always knows just where to flow
Now that December comes I feel like coming home

[Chorus]
It's Christmas in my heart
When I'm with you
No matter where we are or what we do

Tomorrow may be grey
We may be torn apart
But if you stay tonight
It's Christmas in my heart

[Verse 2]
I don't know how to stay alive
Without your touch without you by my side
Just like the desert's always waiting for the rain
Oh baby, I wish the holy night would come again

[Chorus]
Everywhere I go and everyone I know
Is making lots of wishes for old Santa Claus
But all I really need tonight
Is for you to come and hold me tight
What is Christmas without you here by my side
I need you tonight

~Smile~

Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -(W.C. Fields)

Saw this quote 2 days ago. It did bring me back. In conclusion, i stop thinking about our future, but i am not gonna forget it.

Yes, i know i have change since last week, i am not happy with everything around me, including you,baby.Maybe i feel like you not really care about what i want anymore. I started to feeling the difference compare with the time when we started our relationship.

But, it doesn't matter anymore...i will smile everyday to bring it over. Anyhow, it is just my own point of view:)I still remember our future deep inside my heart. I wish , i hope, and i want to be with you forever baby.

I still got half a year left to spend my time with friends and especially my baby in Kampar, i will appreciate it so much the life i been through in UTAR, although sometimes Kampar and Utar really freaking me out.

And, now is time for me to think about my future, my own future. I hope baby will work somewhere near to me, i hate distance. Maybe because i know myself kinda well, when i stress during work, i probably will neglect almost everything around me even my family, baby, and my meal.

I don't want this to influence our relationship. Since baby you think that distance is not a problem, then looks like i need to do something about my weakness. I need to overcome
it, and i need to make the worst assumption, which is baby won't stay in Malaysia because of me, maybe you will be at Singapore. Hmm..kinda sad when i think about it.

Since baby can't decide your decision, i will set my position to be at KL...at the middle of Malaysia..Hopefully you will get a job at KL as well ^^

That's it for today, tomorrow will be my plan on Christmas^^, Merry Christmas to all !!!

Dilemma

It's been a tough weeks i went through....I can't hold it anymore,yet i can't talk to u face to face about this. The only thing i can do is put this into a blog. I got no idea what will be your reaction when u get to see this post. Angry ? or started to hate me?

What i want to say is... Baby, I have been trying so hard to makes our future clear. Is Our Future. Every future decision i made is all related to you. Baby, do you ever think about it? It is not enough although we trust each other, we confidence to each other. When comes to reality, that trust and confident is just our internal strength. Don't forget we still got external threats. We can still influenced by distance, flirter, outsider, working style.

Baby, it's kinda hurt that when you told me your decision for intern. I wish to be under your consideration as well, i wish, somehow i wish that day, you will told me that because of me, you will choose a place to intern. Intern is just a short-term, i hope when you graduate, our distance will just within a state. I want our future to be a Confirm .

Baby, you remember that i told you before that i wish to be at Genting during christmas? You forget it. And you are so excited with your buddies. From that post, your msn personal message, i get to know that baby just very miss memory with buddies, i can understand that, how important they are to you. That's why i still can't decide whether want to go Penang or not. I don't want to be an extra person during that celebration. I want you to fully enjoy your day.

Somehow, i hate guys, i hate their flirt, i hate the way they flirt on girls, i hate the long-term tricks they use on girls. And girls are so stupid in this case and fall into their trap. That't why i don't trust others , not you baby.

I hate the girls sometimes. Very obvious for a guy's intention to flirt on them, but they can still go and reply them and chatting with them. Stupid, you girls are falling into traps, and..you still don't know what was going on.

Baby, perhaps what Xuan Yi said was right. I expose more to society, that's why i think too far. I am graduate soon and need to start making a picture on future before i can puzzle them, that's why i will put myself in stress. Maybe because of this, i relate my decision with you, putting you into future picture, you are definitely my future. Maybe because of this, a term came out my mind, stated that " If we want to have each other as future, we should at least think of each other before proceed a pace forward"....

In this moment, i really hate myself for can't resist myself to make decision solely based on myself..am going crazy...

Year 3 Semester 1 Result.

Wasted my credit to the mobile WAP checking for the result..Unfortunately, system error.. But it's ok... i got to know my result at about 2am in the morning last night. I pretend to be happy , but actually not happy... I am not putting enough effort. 2.5 GPA, if compare to previous result , it's true, i improve, however, if compare to others, i fail...people improve alot.I never got the chance to exceed 3 GPA. I am so sad about this. Why everyone putting the same effort but i get the lower result?? What is the Fucking problem ???? This is the only thing that i will never satisfy ...

4 subject :

Managing People in Organization : A
Small Business Management : B
E-Commerce : C+
Business Finance : D

I have expect to get A for SBM and B for E-com...but thing doesn't follow my wish... Anyway, i should be grateful for getting my PTPTN back.. This coming mission, to pass in Moral, get As in Strategic Management and Business Ethic. I must pull up my CGPA to 3.

Baby, i wonder what is your result. You don't even let me check your result. i just want to see your result..Hope that baby's result will be the same and won't affected by our relationship...Love you baby, after tonight i can hug baby tight ..

My Holiday

The holiday for this semester is long enough to kill me...25 Sept to 17 Oct. The days without baby are killing me as well... Well... i know the reason for why i am turning into so deep for you baby...Baby.. this feeling keep following me because of i can't live without you..i am so scare because i still haven't fixed in baby's heart..i scare one day baby will leave me... That's why i am turning like this...

After all this is just what i thought....It may be right , and it may be wrong... All i wanted is to stay in baby's heart forever...as your future hubby...of cause, baby, you are my future wife...I can make sure that all i want is you to be my wife...What we both need to do is to maintain our communication ...maintain our love toward each other right baby ??

This "BLOG" is really used to be my "BLOG" ...But now, i have decided to change it from "Blog" to "Log"....Begin from this post, this blog will record the activities i had done , as well as my
feeling .....

~25th-30th September~
These days baby stay at Taiping...Honestly, baby, i never see my my mom's happy face for quite a years ...Baby, you help my mom , gain my family likes.. Even my brother would like you to be my girlfriend...During this 6 days, i totally feel like i got my own family , which baby is beside me every single day...

~1st October~
Baby went back Penang..Along the way back, i never happy...i am feeling sad..the sadness is not because of baby is going back, it is because of i can't contact baby as frequent as i wish...it has already a distance between us, now, with the "help" of the cell phone connection, and baby's promise to parents, it double up the distance between us....

~3th October~
Baby went back Penang, now is Xuan Yi's leaving to KL....I got no one beside me for the whole holiday..It is really sucks...everyday sleep in painful...missing baby....

~4th - 7th October~
My days is getting meaningless... I suppose to finish the Final Year Project and Business Ethic. But..How could i touch a single page? my heart is not here..

~8th - 10th October~
I went to grand house. Requested by my cousin...Thought she will help me in wasting my time without thinking baby..But..it fail...the next day, she took my car without my permission..WTF....How could she do that...At the same day, finally i can meet baby ..i don't know why i keep smiling that day, i can't hide the feeling that i feel extremely happy when i know i can see baby....Aye! On the way to Gurney, i feel happy, feel exciting, keep smiling...haha...
The next day, fetch my cousin to Nibong Tebal..Damn...it's located between Taiping and Penang...So fucking far ... at Kuang Yee Bridal Collection, i saw a family, handsome father, pretty mother, one child which behave like dinosaur; another baby which is so cute, with a big eye and smile all the time... No doubt, this is the family i want, not the look, is the warm..i feel their warm..happy family.

~11th & 12th October~

I can't sleep for the whole night...baby injured... how could i fall asleep ? what i can do is wish baby will recover as soon as possible. Today done with the Final Year Project research at library... guess i will able to finish it in 2 days.... god bless my Business Ethic....

Fishing

Went fishing with Baby at 22 of August a.k.a 14th of July according to Chinese traditional culture, Month of Ghost.

Sad case, we got no fish at all for that day. But, baby seems happy when she saw the sunset, guess it is because of our official date is witnessed by Mr.Sunset.

♥ When she can't get even a single fish :p ♥

♥ A simple sunset remind everything ♥

At night, the continues fishing session after we had our dinner, we finally cought an alien fish, which we got no idea what fish was that and i don't even know how to cook it,plus, the fish even "Scream" like a frog when we got it.. Eventually the fish was safe, we decided to leave it back and let the fish cry to his mama...

Just got to know from internet, this fish is known as Baung Pisang

Baby, next fishing session, i will go buy small fish and worm, we will spend a whole day time n fishing there, picnic there okay ? We made some bread... after we get the fish, i will be a chef for you baby...

6.11a.m.
23/08/2010

Mature

Mature = Characteristic of full development, either mental or physical.

Everyday we are working among ourselves and others in order to reach the stage of Full development ...

As my own experience, immature is the stage where we don't know how to think and even take care of ourselves. We do things according to our will without taking care the consequences and others' feeling. Obviously we are in serious trouble in this stage.
When we are on the way toward the mature stage, we experience a tons of obstacles, we tend to think a lot, in every aspects, trying to be a perfect creature, thus we end up with Stress.

The next stage is the critical part for us to manage those stress and searching solution and overcome those problems. Right, we are doing the right thing by thinking a lot n gain the perfect outcome, but, we are just a simple creature created by someone. We got our limitation, try to go on with the primary objective before we proceed to the future plan. If we can't even manage the current objective, then we will not success in the future objective as well... Is the same thing, everything around us are linked together, just try to figure it out, and manage it well, this will indirectly provide a systematic chart of our thinking, reduce out stress, and lead us toward the real mature.

Baby, i don't know how much you understand on what i crapping here, and what i told u last night. But, the purpose is just to help you, i just wanted to help you baby... Everytime you cry, i feel the pain, because i had the same problems before, i can understand what you feel. Baby, i don't know what else i can do for you in this situation except from talking like a your boring lecturer.

So sorry for that baby.. that's what i think i can do for you..jz remember that:

Shall you ever shed a tear;
Your angel will always be near.

Rainy Night

It's 2.09am in the morning. I can't believe i waken up by a stupid thinking. I hate myself being useless;otherwise i already got my own car. I hate myself being such a loser; otherwise i already got my PTPTN loan and won't suffer like this. I hate myself for can't do anything that i want; or else i now will be in somewhere with my baby Calyn,movie-ing every week,

Ice-skating at Sunway Piramid,
Water park-ing at Sunway Lagoon,
Sharing a cup of hot coffee at Genting,
Plucking strawberries at Cameron.

I don't like to borrow car from others, as those cars are not belong to me. A lot of problems that i must put into consideration when i borrowing those car from others. Baby...i am not talking these to you because of i don't know think these is the rational thinking. I know i should accept the truth. I know i should keep a hard work in order to gain the return.

Guess what baby, yesterday u still remember when i take a short nap around 5.30pm ? i dreamed our wedding party. In that dream, we dance on the stage, with all the bless from everyone...Although it is a short dream, but it's sweet, isn't it ?

♥Baby, remember this place ??? I will never forget this place ♥

♥Baby, Our version of "Into The Blue",Hehe ♥

♥ 爱Love爱 ♥

Durian Season? Sick Season ?

I found the answer. The Ogos is not a new start, it actually more to the Sick Season. Everyone around me have fall in love with this season, including me. First, Grandma, XuanYi, Baby, me, and then back to Baby.. Yesterday baby having a tough night to pass over.. baby, what i wanted to tell you is, please, don't be too stubborn sometimes, please listen to me, i want my wife to be healthy, so my wife can take care me and our children, i hope u get what i mean baby.....wish you get well soon.....

1 Ogos 2010

It's 1st of Ogos. This is what i saw people posted on facebook..wonder what is the special on it. Everyday is the same, doesn't mean a new month will be a new begining. A begining is come from ourself, not from month, and is non-visible. If a real new month can be a new begining, i guess, i will suck my mom's milk early of the month ;and drink an old man milk powder at the end of the month....By the way, i just miss my baby...still got about 2 and a half hour she will back to me side. And congratulation to my baby, i just saw a part of your photoshooting...Waiting u come back to me♥

Things come and go. Finish my E-commerce mid-term, but here coming up another busy week with Small Business Management and Business Finance mid-term, two tough subject. Plus the logistic report and analyze of venue. Baby, please bear with me this week, might be a tough week, kinda worry that i will busy and neglect my baby :(

A Long Night

Again..Baby need to go back Penang for her photoshooting...It's just 15 hours since she disappear from my sight, but i already missing her so badly....I wonder..how i gonna survive during our sem-break...and the problem now is..How i gonna pass my days without her?? Baby..You got the same feeling as i felt ??? seriously..i miss you so much...until i come out with this "Poem" :

♥ The Night without you,
The Pillow representing you;
With all the smell u leave on it,
And all the time i hug on it;
Together with me in this 2 night,
I think i will hold it tight ♥

Wish you are here baby....With love..

Sorry Baby

It's quite stress for me to have the first mid-term in this semester ...i don't want any history to be repeated ..i don't wake fail my exam..i don't want grade D in my exam...But..How many effort did i put into it ??? i did nothing...It is not about time, it is not about all around me...it is about me,again. I still the lazy one..Baby, i am so sorry yet i can't tell u y because i know i am doing the wrong thing by viewing your picture in your laptop.I am stress for the exams in this week, i tried to do something else to relax and this comes to your picture...i just wanna see my baby in the pass, but i accidentally viewed the picture between you and him. I know i had been promised to you that you can keep those picture for memories, but,i fail to do so... i jealous,i emo, i worry,i sad.What can i do ? Baby, what u wish me to do ? i can't tell you face-to-face about this. I feel guilty..Baby, i know someday you will see this post, but, don't tell me anything about it please. Love u baby...

Nightmare

Hate the nightmare that ruin my day again....i got no idea how to tell my baby about the nightmare, jz it takes time to forget about the fuckin idiot nightmare...Hopefully everything will be fine very soon... Today i will accompany my baby to the TechFair... wonder which camera she likes ....pity my baby, scar on her hand...

♥I Love You♥

This morning, my baby screamed caused of nightmare... but so funny, a sweet dream comes right after... Surprisingly, she called me baby, i love you ..... it was so sweet... although we are not official yet, but, it makes me feel wonderful .... Baby, don't say that you are not good enough.. for me, you are the perfect girlfriend i ever had....and i should say, having.. coz our love will everlasting....I love you too baby...
My baby, don't scare, thunder is jz part of the music in our life... jz enjoy listen to it.. don't need have to scare of it...
Shit things happened last night while drinking with Caroline... I know what am i doing, So i am trying not to think too much but u bring up the topic.. it's hurt... really hurt... nothing i can do on these hurt ,coz i know, these are the process before i get everything from u, baby... love u...

Fall In Love@ Smile Always

It's time for me to stop posting the emotional and bored stuff... After about 8 month i live in single life, thought that i won't fall in love anymore in the entire Year 3 ...Somehow , we really can't predict the future... Obviously, finally i found someone that i can give what she want; and so she can give what i want.... Plus, we got same interest..yea. right, finally found someone...
Something i really can't imagine was the one i fall in love with, is a hot, sexy , and damn fuckin cute sometimes and considerate....for me, she is such a perfect girl i ever had ....This has made me not to let her go and wanted to hold her tight....
But.. thing doesn't going smooth as i expected.. is it i am the one who made mistake ? Don't care.. all i know is, i will wait her..patiently wait her until she settle their problem... Then it's my time to be with her.....
Smile always.... this is what she wrote on my hand this morning..... it's so meaningful to us although it's just a simple wor

I WANT TO HOLD HER HAND UNTIL THE END......