Newspaper

As usual, i bought some newspaper. But today, i leave it beside me and stare at the newspaper for some time before i open it. Somehow, i feel hopeless already in finding job. I was thinking that what's the point of open the newspaper ? everytime i open it the result will be the same. Haiz....

Routine Task

It's been almost a month that everyday i doing the same thing. Wake up, open my computer, finding job, and searching news paper. Honestly, i am start to giving up in my stupid life already. I am graduate, yet still using family's money and girlfriend's money. What the FUCK are all these about??? 


It's always my dream to go into an event management company to get some experience. Today, baby when you tell me that your company want to hire people, i am glad to hear that and even have the intention to apply that. But, it's not a good thing for us. Again, hopeless.. *sigh*...


When only i will get a job ? Somebody please tell me .... T_T

I Hate Myself~~

Counting this counting that;
Predict this predict that;
Planning this planning that;
But so ? i can't even predict the time when you need me the most, i can't even make you happy. Can't even by your side when you need me the most and i need you the most...Can't even hug you thigh when i wanted to do so.


I made a big mistake,seriously a big mistake.....Acting like i am good enough in planning, in fact, an idiot who is pretending to be great...

Speech From The Heart

The following  contents are what i want to say it out, without filtering....


Thought, after 1 year, everything will be fine and smooth between us. Yet, i have change, i care too much, and eventually it become controlling. Couple days ago, i talk about break up with you, thinking of you deserve better partner who can 100% accept what you do. It's hard for me to say it out because i love you too much. Sorry for being selfish. As i told baby, i will never say it again.....


But, things haven't back to normal yet. It's just a feel anyhow, maybe the way you sms, the way you communicate with me...Hmm... I just wish we can back to normal ASAP.


About my job, I got nothing to say because i made this decision myself. I just wish everything will stick to the plan, which is we will go to Singapore work together. What i can promise baby is, I won't leave you because of friends, they will just help me pass through the boring and lonely days. I will not leave you because of other girls, because you know my heart already owned by you, day and night is all about you, and i don't even putting myself close to girls. In conclusion, there is no reason for me to leave you my baby.


Baby, today i only i realize what is the different between Engage, Register, and Married. Hehe....... Guess you know what i am thinking d yea..:P .......One day.....On the beach....I will hold your hand and put a ring on your finger...  Just wait for that day....just wait... and make sure baby hold my hand tight...and never said the WORD again like friday night....Muack...love you

泪

自从放下上一次的那段感情后，我自认对这次的感情拥有100%的把握。导致我不顾一切的放下我所有的心思和希望在这一段感情上。后来知道感情并不是一个人的努力而已，而是需要双方对彼此的牺牲，一起努力创造未来的家庭。

可是，一切已经太迟了。当我从你口中的话了解到你是不会为我而牺牲，为我而留下的时候，我的心，彻底的心碎了。原本以为你会从我的行动看到我的真心而为我留下，结果还是一样。难以接受的是，我好像对你已经不再重要了。你毕业后的日子，真的已经放弃和我一起生活吗？我真得很想知道。

晚餐后，独自对着电脑看戏，就那么突然的，眼泪不停的从我眼睛流出，哭了两个小时，就是停不了。很多年了我都没有哭成这样狼狈。我要怎么告诉你，这几天我忍得好辛苦，真得很辛苦，一直找朋友帮我打发时间。可是，到最后还是忍不住崩溃了。身边一个能诉苦的朋友都没有，唯有联络一个旧朋友。怎知，我哭得更离谱。我想，自从我爸爸去世后，这是我第二次哭得那么的狼狈。

今天的你，已经不是以往的你了。你渐渐的为自己理想的生活作出打算，也渐渐的把我们的日子放在一旁。如果这样真的能让你开心，那也算是一件好事。自少，你不再需要我了。


尽管如此，我对你的心，还是一样，从来没改变，自怪我爱你太深，亲爱的，我永远都爱着你。Muack!!^^♥♥♥

Keep it On... I can Make it!!!

Never expect that baby will suffer so much because of me...I couldn't deny that i am too selfish. Thanks baby for letting me know my problem in such a way, so i will only seriously realize my mistake. The day after baby telling me this, i feel like we are stranger...no longer a sweet sweet couple. Then baby said it is just because of your job, you stress and being a bad temper.. Thanks again baby, you calm me down..Or else i will thought that baby no longer love me.

You are right baby, i am forcing myself to change in one night. eventually i end up with making myself horrible, stress, and even making our relationship worst. In this case, i won't say that i am loving you too deep, in another words, i will say that i am ruining our relationship...Sorry, deeply sorry from my heart....


Thank you again baby, giving me an opportunity to change in the 1st step. Baby 2day tell me that she is going out with friends for movie & yumcha session. I thought i will emo again. But not this time. I PROMISE i will let it go...slowly slowly....at least i make a successful 1st step right? hehe.... Although i still asking baby who you are going out with..sorry yea...hope baby won't mad with me...


Baby , slowly find your true friends....It might be time consuming, but eventually you will get a bunch of nice friends. Don't worry about it baby... Be patient ... chak~~ Love you my wifey..muack...miss u alot alot...

What's in my mind in all these time....

After a few weeks i didn't update my blog, i was thinking what should i write now. No doubt, it's all about my baby Calyn Tan. In my mind, no matter how busy am i, i am thinking of my baby every single minute. I seriously fall in love so deep and can't pull myself away from you. Although it's just almost a year we been together, but one thing i can make sure is>> You are my EVERYTHING. 


Before you, i am playful; before you, my heart can fill in more than a girl; before you, i will search for another girl when my girl is not around. Now, with you in my heart, i am not playful anymore; there is never be another girl in my heart except you; and i don't even think of getting another girl to replace you when you are not around. Very sorry baby if you see this blog, but what i want to say is, i am 101% serious in our relationship, our future. Baby, here i can give you a guarantee that you are the girl i wanted to be my wife. You are my last girlfriend in my life. 


I am sorry to you baby, giving you a feeling that i don't trust you. Because of your social network, i don't trust people around you. Baby please don't angry . I really can't afford to lost you. 


Baby, i know you don't stop me from going out with girls, i understand that. Is just i don't want to go out with girls, not your problem. Is just my pass experience told me that i shouldn't do that. You remember that you told me not to close with JENNY WONG ? You said that she got the ability to take people's boyfriend away ? This is one of the reason i don't want to go out with girls. Even i go out with girls, will be the one baby know, like Belle Belle... So, baby , basically this is the reason . I don't want let people got the opportunity to create trouble between us. 


Baby, i know i am over react when you working. But please allow me to say it again, drink more water, and please don't skip meal. Please take your meal especially when you working, even though you are not hungry. Just few more month i will have to chance to take care of baby again. I am waiting for that day, to take care of my wifey... Take care baby... i Miss you very much..very much.