Dilemma

It's been a tough weeks i went through....I can't hold it anymore,yet i can't talk to u face to face about this. The only thing i can do is put this into a blog. I got no idea what will be your reaction when u get to see this post. Angry ? or started to hate me?

What i want to say is... Baby, I have been trying so hard to makes our future clear. Is Our Future. Every future decision i made is all related to you. Baby, do you ever think about it? It is not enough although we trust each other, we confidence to each other. When comes to reality, that trust and confident is just our internal strength. Don't forget we still got external threats. We can still influenced by distance, flirter, outsider, working style.

Baby, it's kinda hurt that when you told me your decision for intern. I wish to be under your consideration as well, i wish, somehow i wish that day, you will told me that because of me, you will choose a place to intern. Intern is just a short-term, i hope when you graduate, our distance will just within a state. I want our future to be a Confirm .

Baby, you remember that i told you before that i wish to be at Genting during christmas? You forget it. And you are so excited with your buddies. From that post, your msn personal message, i get to know that baby just very miss memory with buddies, i can understand that, how important they are to you. That's why i still can't decide whether want to go Penang or not. I don't want to be an extra person during that celebration. I want you to fully enjoy your day.

Somehow, i hate guys, i hate their flirt, i hate the way they flirt on girls, i hate the long-term tricks they use on girls. And girls are so stupid in this case and fall into their trap. That't why i don't trust others , not you baby.

I hate the girls sometimes. Very obvious for a guy's intention to flirt on them, but they can still go and reply them and chatting with them. Stupid, you girls are falling into traps, and..you still don't know what was going on.

Baby, perhaps what Xuan Yi said was right. I expose more to society, that's why i think too far. I am graduate soon and need to start making a picture on future before i can puzzle them, that's why i will put myself in stress. Maybe because of this, i relate my decision with you, putting you into future picture, you are definitely my future. Maybe because of this, a term came out my mind, stated that " If we want to have each other as future, we should at least think of each other before proceed a pace forward"....

In this moment, i really hate myself for can't resist myself to make decision solely based on myself..am going crazy...